Babysaurus, Olympic Champion

Citius Altius Fortius

As is inevitable when the Olympics come around, I recently had a conversation at work about which Olympic sports we could and couldn’t see ourselves attempting. Fencing? Maybe. Equestrian? Heck no! But I used to pole vault!

Then it occurred to me: instead of that silly nonsense, I should be focused on more realistic things — like which Olympic sports I could and couldn’t see Norah A. Babysaurus attempting.

For example:

Basketball, Volleyball, Handball

PROS: Speed, agility, eye-hand coordination. And all the great life skills that come with teamwork: communication, respect, trust.

CONS: Squeaky shoes. I can’t abide it.

Beach Volleyball

PROS: Again with the speed, agility, eye-hand coordination, teamwork. It’s outdoors. And it’s fast-paced, easy to follow, and exciting to watch.

CONS: Sand, wet sand, course sand, sandy sand.

Archery

PROS: If she’s anything like me or Keith, which is to say “perfectionist,” she won’t stop until she can hit the bullseye. Every time. And if she’s anything like me or Keith, which is to say “imaginative,” she’ll enjoy pretending to be Robin Hood. (You know those archers have thought it at least once.)

CONS: If she’s anything like me or Keith, which is to say “aesthetically focused,” she won’t be impressed by those bows. Or those targets! Come on!

Equestrian

PROS: Little girls love horses. Well, I didn’t. But other girls did. And there’s something to be said for the mutual respect between human and non-human that’s required to be a successful… equestrianer? and the natural grace, poise, and focus that comes with it.

CONS: Did you see Gone With the Wind?

Gymnastics, Diving

PROS: The pediatrician keeps telling us that he’d like to see us put her in gymnastics when she’s old enough, because she’s “very agile!” Considering all the flips and turns she performed in utero, she’s probably got natural ability to be successful in at least one of these sports. Plus! gymnastics is a sport for short girls, which will be perfect if she inherits all of my 5 feet and three inches.

CONS: Skull + balance beam. Skull + diving board. Skull + CONCRETE PLATFORM.

Taekwondo, Shooting

PROS: Like gymnastics, martial arts develops physical and mental strength, balance, and grace. Like archery, target shooting is great for developing focus and precision, as well as an acute self-awareness and an intuitive understanding of physics. Plus, when we have her impressive collection of shiny Taekwondo and/or shooting medals prominently displayed in the entryway, maybe Daddy won’t have to keep cleaning that pesky shotgun.

CONS: As a parent and former naive young lady, I think the benefits of intimidating those up-to-no-good boys outweigh any potential drawbacks.

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