Top Fives :: Week 24

Things I love:

  1. The glow of the Christmas tree
  2. New slippers
  3. New pajamas
  4. Sleeping
  5. Books for new dads

Things I loathe:

  1. Back pain
  2. Hip pain
  3. Back pain
  4. Side pain
  5. Did I say back pain?

Questions I can’t answer with Google:

  1. Why is my life already succumbing to babysaurus’ feeding and sleeping schedule?
  2. How young is too young to bring your baby camping?
  3. If we have wondrous and frightening technologies like 3-D/4-D ultrasound devices and pocket-sized computers and unmanned aircraft and forehead thermometers, why is there NOTHING IN THE UNIVERSE that can relieve the excruciating hip and side pain that comes from sleeping on one’s side during pregnancy?
  4. Where can I rent a dump truck, or better still — a matter teleportation device?
  5. How have our engineering priorities become so skewed?

Things I’ve discovered:

  1. Christmas feels more Christmassy with toys under the tree.
  2. Whoever says “Enjoy your sleep now!” to pregnant women is either ignorant or being ironic, but I can’t figure out which.
  3. People are not ashamed to act completely stunned by how enormous you have become.
  4. Even though you may not notice your increasing immenseness on a day-to-day basis, as you continue wearing stretchy shirts and elastic-waisted pants, it can be gauged by (a) people’s unabashedly stunned reactions to your size and (b) the intensifying strain on your coat buttons.
  5. I may not have a functioning lower back when this is all over with.
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