Top Fives :: Week 16

Things I love:

  1. Elastic. Waistband.
  2. Orange Crush
  3. Drapey boatneck sweaters with ruched sides
  4. Instant Cream of Wheat with cinnamon sugar and strawberries
  5. Sleep

Things I loathe:

  1. Broccoli, carrots, vegetables
  2. Cutesy pregnancy euphemisms, e.g., preggo, preggers, pea in the pod, bun in the oven
  3. Fearmongering among new mothers
  4. The following words: nursery, bump, nipple
  5. Sore hips, abs, back and legs while sleeping trying to sleep

Questions I can’t answer with Google:

  1. How many bottles do you need?
  2. Is breastfeeding class really necessary? Can’t I just ask my sister-in-law and everyone in the Googleverse who’ve already taken it?
  3. How about offering a class on understanding modern cloth diapering systems instead?
  4. Is excessive earwax production a side effect of pregnancy? Or is it just weird?
  5. Are crib bumpers good or evil?

Things I’ve discovered:

  1. Hearing the fetal heartbeat for the first time was pretty cool, in no small part because it sounded like the space probe entity from the Star Trek movie with the whales. WhaWhaWhaWhaWhaWhaWha.
  2. According to my sources, Fetus’s ears should be functional soon; I’m strongly compelled to communicate with it through whale song.
  3. The phrase “the geek in me,” has taken on a whole new meaning.
  4. I can no longer zip, button, or otherwise fasten any of my regular person pants. Yet, according to the doctor, my weight gain is a little too low. Pants too small. Weight gain too low. It’s all so counterintuitive.
  5. Being pregnant during the winter months seems like a great deal, until you find yourself struggling to put on a pair of socks by yourself to warm your frozen toes — knowing that it only gets harder from here.

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