This was going to be all sappy, then the weather turned warm and now I’m happy

Norah’s birthday and Mother’s Day and Keith’s birthday are practically on top of each other, and I was going to write something long and sappy about the things I’ve learned in my first year of motherhood, and what an awesome kid Norah A. Babysaurus has turned out to be in only a year, and how I intended to bake a lemon pound cake topped with blueberry compote for Keith’s birthday and instead he got a stack of Oreos on a salad plate.

But today it’s sunny and eighty-plus degrees, which means I’m feeling cheerful instead of strangely moody and sentimental. Let me sum up:

THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN MY FIRST YEAR OF MOTHERHOOD

1. Everyone — friends, family, compassionate strangers — tells you from day one, “It gets better!” and you either (a) scoff, (b) roll your eyes, (c) cry, or (d) demand to know when it will get better and how much better it will get. Fifty-two percent better? Three times better? Do you have a chart or Universal Betterness Scale? Because for at least the first two to six months everything sucks to infinity. Then, one day you and your husband are having fun playing with your happy baby, and you look at each other and go, “Hey! It’s better!” It gets better.

2. According to the Internet, there are approximately seven billion ways to raise a child properly. Take your pick! The chances that your child will become an unhappy, maladjusted adult solely because of your (or someone else’s) parenting decisions are incredibly small. With the exception of locking your child in the basement for eighteen years, do what you have to do to get through each day and create the family environment that you envision, and do it with love and respect.

3. Not all mothers fall in love with their babies right away; I didn’t. Not all mothers love every part of mothering; I don’t. If the stuff you’re reading by other mothers on the Internet is making you feel bad about yourself, stop reading. Your baby doesn’t need a perfect mother; your baby needs you, as you are right now, today.

A Facebook friend recently shared a bit of insight which nicely sums up the underlying point: “When you have no judgment of how things should be, you are not limited by your expectations.” Bingo.

4. If you take a break from making everyone else happy in order to ignore them for a while and make yourself happy, everyone will be happy.

A SUMMARY OF NORAH A. BABYSAURUS AT APPROXIMATELY ONE YEAR

WHAT YOU GET WHEN I RUN OUT OF TIME TO MAKE A LEMON POUND CAKE WITH BLUEBERRY COMPOTE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY

I know, I know. I’ll post a very detailed tutorial later.

It’s a good day to keep running

This morning was a beautiful morning. A perfect morning for a run. So it was no surprise that I drove past several runners during my commute into work. I love to watch runners; they look so focused, so free. I wish I’d gone ahead and packed my running clothes, even knowing that my day is too busy for even a short run. I’m sure I could squeeze it in somehow.

I’ve been a runner since high school, or even before that; running has always been something I’ve loved to do. Aside from my own family, being a runner among runners (and the people who love them) has been the only place where I’ve always felt completely accepted, regardless of skill, gender, shape, or size. Everyone is happy to have you among them. Everyone wants you to succeed.

I’ve known fast runners, slow runners, competitive runners, and fun runners, and the truth is the only word that really matters is “runner.” Every run, every race is an individual journey that you make with dozens, hundreds, thousands of supporters — strangers, but comrades — cheering you on, rooting for you every step of the way. Each victory is an important victory. Every failure can be overcome. I can think of nothing else in life that compares. It’s been a constant joy in my life, a source of strength and a source of peace, and I’ve looked forward to sharing it with my daughter.

So this? This? It hurts, deep, deep inside. I think, unless you’re a runner or close with a runner, it can be hard to understand, but Roger Robinson expressed it perfectly: “I feel as if my own family has been violated.”

I watched those runners this morning, and couldn’t help wondering if they were thinking what I was thinking. Because I’m thinking about all those races we’ve done and plan to do, never once imagining that something much darker than cold water and bananas might be waiting at the finish line. Never once imagining that it could be a violent act — and not some freak injury — that might keep us from getting to the end. Never once imagining that the friends and families waiting out in the elements to cheer us through could be in mortal danger. I don’t want to let fear get the better of me, but a bombing at a marathon? It changes things. Our peaceful, happy, healthy community — our family — brutally injured. What else can you say? What else can you do? I want to shout. I want to cry. I want to lash out.

But more than that? I want to run. I need to run.

Because when you’re a runner, and the journey gets tough, you push on. You push hard. When it seems impossible, you turn deep inside and you summon up even the tiniest mote of will to keep going. And when you can’t find it within you, you listen to the cheers of spectators and volunteers who will it for you. You carry on. You run because the road is yours. You run because you cannot be stopped.

All you need is love

The storm clouds of gloomy news have been gathering for a few weeks and now it’s starting to look a bit more serious. Will it pass with little impact? Will it change our lives completely? While we ride out this new wave of uncertainty and try to prepare for what may or may not come, I’m feeling more in the mood than ever to celebrate Valentine’s Day: hearts, flowers, candy, the works! Is it the increased sentimentality? The kisses every morning from Norah A. Babysaurus? The chocolate? Just more questions without answers.

There’s one thing that I know for certain, however: even in the stormiest times it feels good to love and be loved, and that’s something worth celebrating.

AME Jewels Necklace with Red Hearts; Little Forests printable alphabet “I Love You” poster; Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice tea; Kat Studio Infinity Heart ring; Golly Bard Heart Entwined giclee print ; King Arthur Flour Small Sugar Hearts; Baby Jives Co. Showered with Love mobile; Trinkets by Dana 100 “You are My Sunshine” origami stars; Crate & Barrel Valentine Mugs; Happy Deliveries black and white typography letterpress poster; Heart strawberry crochet pattern by Miriam de Graaf